We might not remember it, but most of us once experienced the horror of knowing there was a monster under our bed. We were afraid to go to sleep and either called out for help or stayed as still and silent as possible, afraid of letting the monster know we were there by moving or making noise. We needed a sure, loving voice and steady hand to reassure us that there was no monster, or that the monster was safe. Now, we need to be that source of security for our own children as they too first meet the monsters.
1. Listen to your child and believe them. Even though you know that monsters don’t actually exist, the creature is very real to your child. She isn’t exaggerating – that monster really is huge, ugly, mean, and as scary as can be. She’s absolutely certain the monster exists, so trying to convince her otherwise doesn’t help; it could actually make her lose confidence in you, wondering why you don’t realize the monster is there when it’s so obvious to her. Listening to her enables her to express her feelings and release them. Showing her you understand and care strengthens her sense of security and helps calm her down.
2. Ask your child to describe the monster and give you details about what it looks like, where it came from, what it is doing and what it wants. Talking it through helps your child release some of their tension and relax more; it also helps you understand more about what you child is thinking, so you can respond.
3. Assure your child that there is nothing wrong with the monster. If you have a daughter, tell her that you know this monster because it used to live under your bed when you were her age. It’s a nice monster that just wants to be her friend and keep her company. If you have a son, try making scary faces and growl in the direction of the monster, and then tell your son not to worry – you scared it away. Explain to him that the monster is afraid of growls and scowls, so he can also scare the monster away if it returns.
4. Hug your child close, or pat her on the back. She will draw a physical sense of security from this and regain her confidence.
5. If your child is very tense from the fear, do something that you know helps her relax and go to sleep. You might bring a cookie and glass of warm milk, massage your child’s feet or back, or tell them a story.
6. Remind your child that you are always there for her and will never let anything happen to her. Assure her that you will always come if she cries out for help. This confidence in you will make it easier for her to fall asleep again because she knows you will come back immediately if she needs you again.
The monsters under the bed won’t last forever. They’ll go away shortly - after a few weeks or months, they will find a new home and your child will be alone in the room again. Your relationship with your child, however, will last forever. Treasure these moments and befriend the monster living under your child’s bed; he is an opportunity to strengthen your relationship and give your child comforting memories to look back upon, when she realizes that the while the monsters were never there, her parent always was.
Monster Under the Bed?